On Showing Off

Why do we insist on showing off so much?

On my walk home, there’s a 3-way stop. Today, there was a dark green 4^th generation Camaro V6 at the intersection. It had been snowing and the streets were slick. Taking advantage of the favorable conditions, the driver dropped the hammer, spinning the rear tires not only across the intersection but also down the street at out of sight. Those of us standing at the intersection were left with the smell of oil burning our nostrils and the clatter of the engine ringing in our ears.

Such a display is always intended for an audience. However, the driver was alone, and none of us were particularly impressed. I imagine the spectacle was for the benefit of the driver himself. But to what purpose? Why does he, and everyone else for that matter, feel the need to make such a ruckus?

As I understand it, we show off in an effort to assert our individuality, to distinguish ourselves from the crowd. We do it to demonstrate uniqueness to ourselves as well as others. The desire for unique identity is healthy and common. In this context, showing off is a good thing, so long as it’s done wisely.

Being an obnoxious show-off might feel good in the moment, but you won’t win any points with anyone else. What did the gentleman in the Camaro really demonstrate? That his weak-kneed pile of scrap can only manage a burn-out when the road is paved with ice. And that he's horribly reckless. When you show off, you’d better do it tastefully.

Now, I’ve tried to think of the redeeming qualities of that Camaro, but there aren’t any. So the only thing to do is to get rid of it and spend the money on a respectable car. For the same money you can find a good first generation Ford Taurus SHO. You won’t pick up any girls with it, but it’s one of the most affordable and genuinely special performance cars around. For a bit more coin you can get a nice Ford Focus SVT, one of my very favorite hot hatches of all time.

With either of these cars, and a bit of talent, you can humiliate posers in tarted-up Civics all day long. And that’s something to shout about.

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Why I don't care about the new Ferrari

What good is Everest?

I am a very adventurous sort of person. Few things capture my imagination like a journey through unfamiliar territory and cultures. I love the sense of discovery and awe that a really good adventure provokes. Climbing Everest is about the greatest adventure I can think of, it’s one of those things I’ve always wanted to do. The trouble is, such an excursion is outside the physical and financial means of almost everyone. So what good is it? I ought to spend my energy climbing the peaks in my own back yard.

The Ferrari 458 Italia is the same.

The new Ferrari is positively astounding. It has 557 hp from a thoroughly modern 4.5-liter direct injected V8 that spins to 9,000 rpm. It has a 7-speed dual clutch automated manual transmission that deploys gearshifts in 50 milliseconds flat. The body is designed to produce down-force that perfectly matches the natural weight distribution of the car so that the driving dynamics never change, at any speed. And it’s got an E-diff3, whatever that is.

Furthermore, the car is simply amazing to look at, inside and out. It’s just shockingly beautiful.

In summary, the Ferrari 458 is the stunning new standard for supercars everywhere. And somehow, I just don’t care.

Here’s the reason. As a common car enthusiast, how does the new 458 impact my life? How is my passion for driving great cars satisfied? Except for giving me something new to covet, the 458 really doesn’t do anything for me. Yes, it’s an amazing machine, but at $213,000 it had better be. And the chances that I’ll ever own one are microscopic. So what difference does it make?

I’m much more impressed with the vehicles that manage to capture that same passion (albeit, without the mind-bending speed) at a price that is accessible to the rest of us. These are the cars I care about most, because they make a difference to you and I. So long as there are great, affordable cars in the world, I really don’t mind living without a Ferrari.

To that end, I’ve compiled a list of my favorites. I’ve limited the price of entry to $40,000 and I’ve made an attempt to put them in the order of my preference. My choices will likely confuse many of you, and yes, I know the new drivetrains for the 2011 Mustang haven't been tested yet. I welcome your inquiries.

With that, from worst to best, they are:

21. Dodge SRT-4

20. Nissan Sentra SE-R Spec V

19. Mitsubishi Lancer Ralliart

18. Hyundai Genesis Coupe 2.0T

17. Honda Civic Si

16. Subaru WRX STI

15. Mazda RX-8

14. Subaru WRX

13. Mazda MX-5 Miata

12. Mini Cooper S

11. Chevrolet Camaro RS

10. Hyundai Genesis Coupe V6

9. Volkswagen GTI

8. MazdaSpeed 3

7. Ford Mustang 3.7L V6

6. Chevrolet Cobalt SS

5. Mitsubishi Evolution GSR

4. Dodge Challenger R/T

3. Chevrolet Camaro SS

2. Nissan 370Z

1. Ford Mustang GT 5.0

Bring Back The Geo Tracker

The Geo Tracker is the greatest off-road vehicle of all time.

Alright, that might be hyperbole, but I sure wish they still made it, and I’ll tell you why.

The Tracker is everything I wish the Jeep Wrangler was. The Jeep looks great and I’m absolutely in love with removable hard tops, doors, everything. But it weighs as much as a house and the engine is simply pitiful.

Most cars strike a balance between power and efficiency, you can’t get one except at the expense of the other. A few special cars manage to have both. But the Jeep? It performs the unlikely feat of having neither. 202 hp and a whole 19 mpg on the highway is just stupid. Full-size V8 pickups get better than that.

Then there’s the Tracker. The first generation car was developed in 1988 between GM and Suzuki. It was built on a light truck frame, had proper 4-wheel drive with manually locking front hubs and a 5-speed manual. It had two doors, a removable top, and a 1.6 liter Suzuki 4-cylinder good for 80 hp. No, that isn’t very much, but it's plenty if you’re not in a hurry. Plus the engine only had 2200 lbs of car to pull around. That means about 27 ^lbs/_hp , not that far off the 21 ^lbs/_hp a new Wrangler gives you. And the Tracker gets 25 city/27 hwy.

That’s brilliant. So why don’t they build it anymore?

Rocket Ship Cobalt SS

“She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts.”

-Han Solo

I love good sport compacts. Affordable motoring thrills with minimal day-to-day compromises. The world has yet to produce my ideal sport compact, but the Chevy Cobalt SS comes awfully close.

The Volkswagen GTI is a very fine automobile and a lot of fun to drive, but the Cobalt SS plays power games on a completely different scale. The brilliant 2-liter turbo engine delivers instant power at any point on the tachometer. The clutch and shifter are simple and joyous to use. The steering is so linear, so spot on, and the suspension is so planted. The GTI is fast enough to be fun, but the Cobalt SS is fast enough to be just a little scary. I happen to like it that way.

Put the car into Competitive Mode and it gets even better. What surprised me most was how much more satisfying first and second gears are in Competitive Mode. I don’t know how, but it makes such a difference. It should be like that all the time.

And while I’m thinking about possible improvements, the car makes the most peculiar combination of engine noises. The exhaust gets very deep, almost like a diesel, while the turbo spoon is nearly ultrasonic. It isn’t bad, just peculiar. And you’d better be awake when you launch it, otherwise you’ll torque-steer into a tree. But all that just adds character.

Now, there are those who mock the Cobalt’s styling. Personally, I think it looks great. I’m a big fan of the restrained look. Keeps the cops away.

Then there are those who jeer at the interior build quality. Well, they’re right. It all works fine, but it’s all bottom shelf plastics too. The handbrake is especially bad. The pieces on the dash don’t all fit together right and the door handles and window switches are exceptionally flimsy. At least it’ll train me to be more gentle.

But once the traffic clears and my feet prod the pedals, all of that goes away. As automobiles go, the Cobalt SS isn’t a very complete package, it’s too focused for that. This isn’t a car I would recommend to just anyone. This car is for people who value the thrill of driving above everything else. To me, that’s all that matters. I positively love it.

The Volt Dance

Have you seen it?

It’s embarrassing, it’s shameful, and I wouldn’t watch it where anyone could see. It’s truly horrible and yet I watched it through to the end, like an episode of Stargate Universe.

In one of the worst marketing and PR moves I can remember, Chevy has apparently endorsed a Chevy Volt themed pop song and choreography to match. I don’t know who is responsible for allowing this to happen, but they need to know what a joke it is.

Honestly, the best thing Chevy can hope for is that no one else will see it, ever. Bury it in the back yard like a dark family secret. Please tell me this atrocity isn’t getting network television or radio time.

I like Chevy, I really do. I want them to succeed and, for the most part, it looks like they will. But it’s so hard to be a supporter when crap like this hits the fan.

Chevy: You don’t need these gimmicks, they are an insult to your products and the intelligence of your customers. All you need are great vehicles and customer service. We’ll do the rest.

Tesla: A Beautiful Dream

I was out for a drive on a favorite back road. It was a good day. Then it got better. A red Tesla Roadster appeared around a corner and shot silently past. I smiled and gave the driver a thumbs up. Not because of what the Tesla is, but what it represents.

I care about the environment and I know the old ways of building cars aren’t acceptable anymore. I care about the modern world’s absolute reliance on oil.

I am a geologist by training, I have a pretty good idea of the impact fossil fuels have on the environment and their role in the future. I can tell you right now it will be a long, long time before we stop using them altogether. But I believe strongly in the development of alternative energy resources that are environmentally responsible and, here’s the kicker, economically feasible.

I also believe in the development of electric vehicles. Battery powered electric vehicle technology still has a long way to go. Hydrogen fuel cell technology has problems too. But increased interest and research will yield new innovations, I’m certain of that. I also believe in a passion for driving and fine automobiles.

That’s what Tesla stands for. The company has set out to demonstrate that electric vehicles can still be exhilarating. That’s something I believe in strongly.

In reality, the Roadster has some dynamic and mechanical problems. And the company would have gone bankrupt a while ago were it not for the indulgence of the federal government.

It reality, Tesla has a lot of work to do before its business model, or car, works properly. But it’s a beautiful dream and it’s a good place to start.